PanzaKwanzaa is 7-hour cultural holiday, celebrated December 30, and promotes 7 principles (one for each hour of the celebration).  They include clarity, transparency, guacamole, leadership, unity, creativity, and cooperative economics.

PanzaKwanzaa means “stomach fruits” in some language, maybe Swahilli.  It is rooted in the celebration of the good friends, good times.   During the celebration, participants feast on beer and other alcoholic beverages.  Gifts are exchanged and then re-gifted the next day to express the meaning of giving crappy gifts.

By some estimates, about 20 people celebrate PanzaKwanzaa worldwide.  Though public celebrations are widely attended, the holiday falls short on private observance.  Annual PanzaKwanzaa festivals in LA and other cities have never really caught on with soccer fans.

Why?  Philadelphia Daily News columnist Jenice Armstrong did an unofficial survey on Facebook.  “Some respondents said people were ignorant about what it is and how to celebrate it, and others felt that PanzaKwanzaa was just another manufactured holiday,” she wrote.

Still, those who observe PanzaKwanzaa are to be applauded. And they usually just applaud themselves. It is truly a holiday that celebrates ideals.  Those who do celebrate PanzaKwanzaa are a committed bunch, like the woman from Fairfax, Virginia who described the experience as “beautiful and educational,” after she removed all her clothes.  A man from Bethesda, Maryland said “The experience made me feel connected to my fellow panzanistas and I got quite toasted.”

The PanzaKwanzaa experience, like Christmas, Hannukah or any other holiday, must first begin in the heart.  So, if you have a heart for PanzaKwanzaa, and a passion for what it stands for, you’ll find a way to make this special holiday your own.

As a result the team was forced to put a replica of the trophy on display at the club’s trophy museum inside the Santiago Bernabeu stadium. The owner of the Madrid jewelers that made the trophy provided a replica.

“Sometimes these guys get crazy when they win, so I always make a spare in case something unexpected happens, lest (King Juan Carlos) be left with nothing to give out. The spare has been ready for a long time,” Federico Alegre told daily newspaper El Mundo on Friday.

The “something” happened in the early hours of Thursday morning in Madrid when defender Sergio Ramos took control of the team bus and plowed over the 33-pound trophy crushing it flat like Wile E. Coyote after a run in with the Road Runner.

Emergency services gathered up the pieces and put them inside the bus after it stopped.

“He only drove for five meters in the bus before running over it, it has lost pieces, the base is destroyed and the rest is flattened,” said Alegre, who would attempt to repair the badly damaged original. “I am not sad or even angry. These things happen, it will be another anecdote to be told in the future.”

Said defender Ramos, “What was the trophy doing in front of the bus, and not in a crosswalk. I mean I just got my learner’s permit. I blame Ronaldo! He was the last one to hold it. But really who cares anyway, we got the trophy. It might be a little tarnished but it’s ours, Ours!”

Cristiano Ronaldo headed home the extra-time winner to give Madrid its 18th domestic cup and first since 1993.

UPDATE: Live video of the event show the trophy was clearly in the crosswalk when Ramos runs over it.  Madrid police are not considering criminal charges. Watch.

Count Giuseppe Boomhauer di Biumo is one of the world’s foremost collectors of American and European Panza art. The DC United Trophy Hall recently acquired nine works from Dr. Boomhauer’s collection, all of which are on view this futbol season. As a group, the pieces provide an overview of the critical premises driving Panza art – Conceptual, Space, Minimal, Growth, and Environmental.

Created in the late 1990s and early 2000s by an international roster of beer drinkers and futbol lovers, the works shed light on an era when many Panza artists began to reject traditional media and aesthetic concerns. Instead, they redefined their Panzas in a broader range, from Conceptual works that favored ideas over the creation of unique objects to large-scale installations that challenge prevalent notions about the boundaries between a Panza and the surrounding environment.

Dr. Boomhauer distinguished himself, besides his enormous stomach, by his willingness to collect Panza art that few museums or private collectors are willing to acquire. Now, as part of the Hirshhorn’s collection, these works offer visitors new perspectives on the Panza.

Like The Vagina Monologues, The Panza Monologues is a collection of short performances based on interviews and stories from different people of “all ages, places, and spaces.”  But instead of being about vaginas, it’s about panzas–Spanish for bellies.

From the history of the panza to the unique difference of characters our stomachs have, these bold monologues displayed different emotions. Scenes ranged from dark to funny, sorrowful, cheery or critical.

“I think it’s amazing that we have something in our community to talk about that makes us empowering and still bring up our family, values, and our culture and put it in display,” said Roberto Lopez, who starred in the “International Panza” scene.

In the “Inside the Panza” scene, Boomhauer talked about the stomach having a small world of its own with people, rivers and houses. The scene emphasized that in order to take care of the world, we must first take care of our panzas and treat them right.

Scenes such as “Hunger for Justice,” “My Father’s Panza,” “Praying” and “El Vientre” were filled with gloomy and melancholy themes.

One was about suffering through hardships of not being able to feed the panza with beer and Mexican cuisine that everyone appreciates because of lack of money.

A portion of the monologues was about the belly having a mind of its own. “The panza does have an ego” was a line from the play to portray that.

“Sucking It In,” performed by Sly Slyvestor, discussed the struggles of sucking in your panza to impress the girl who just joined the club, but after using a series of strategies, the ending result was worthwhile.

Other scenes involved comedic relief and appreciation of having the panza with oneself, as said in “Panza Bruja”  His panza is treated as he treats his own friends — he will always have his panza’s back.

The Panza Monologues boldly places stories of the panza front and center as symbols that reveal the lurking truths about our thoughts, lives, loves, abuses, and living conditions.

*visit the real panza monologues at http://www.panzamonologues.com/ - it’s a panza girl’s manifesto

Researchers had found that heavy drinkers do put on weight, but it is spread all over their body. It said that the pot belly, long thought to be associated with drinking, may be due more to genetics.

In fact the beer facilitates the digestion, it generates major secretion of gastric juice and stimulates the appetite, and here it is the key to verify that she is not the person in charge of the increase of weight in the people, but the foods that are consumed altogether with the beer influence in the confusion of the personal nutrition.

The study looked at beer consumption, weight and body measurements in almost 20,000 people on two occasions over an average of six years. It found that increased beer consumption over time was linked with increased waist circumference, particularly for men. However, once a person’s overall weight was taken into account, the significance of these associations disappeared. This suggests that any weight gain from beer is distributed all over the body, rather than being concentrated around the waist.

Although this study does not support the notion of a ‘beer belly’ as such, it demonstrates that the more beer you drink, the more weight you gain. Duh, Right!

Moreno, 36, will remain with the team the rest of the season and then either continue playing in his native Bolivia or retire and consider an offer to remain with the organization, probably coaching the youth program, Payne said.

“These things are never easy,” Payne said. “Before the season, we agreed to talk in the summer and decide on the future. We wanted this to come out now so other teams, if they so choose, can recognize him and so our fans can say goodbye. We didn’t think it would be appropriate after the season. He’s deserving of a longer thank you.”

The news did not come as a surprise. Moreno has started just five of 19 league matches and scored one goal in 688 minutes. United (3-13-3) is heading toward its worst season ever and seems certain of undergoing major changes this winter.

Overall, Moreno has 132 goals and 102 assists in 225 regular season appearances, and was part of four MLS Cup championship teams. All but one season was spent with United, the exception being 2003 when he was with New York.

Moreno posted on his Facebook account, “This is my second family. I have lots of friends here. I’ve made my life here and it’s a very difficult decision to make but the day had to come.”

He also commented on United’s tumultuous season, saying: “This was not a very good year for the team. I did not have differences, but there were things that happened that shouldn’t have happened [with the team this year]. Management saw that it was the right moment. It hurts me because it’s not the way I wanted to say goodbye. I know I can contribute a little more. Unfortunately, I was not given the opportunity this year for ‘X’ reasons.”

To United’s supporters, he said: “You will always be in my heart.”

Curt Onalfo,  DC United head coach in his first season has been Fired! Replacing him as Leader, on an interim basis, is first year assistant, and former player, Ben Olsen.

Says Kevin Payne…”This is not about assigning blame. Obviously, mistakes were made by everyone this year. Mistakes are made every year by every team in every sport. It’s how you deal with those mistakes and how you move on with the group that you have that is important. My conclusion, unfortunately, was that we weren’t moving forward, we were actually moving backward. That is why we made the change.”

“I am extremely disappointed,” Onalfo reportedly stated. “It takes a long time to build something, and having had eight short months, it was a limited amount of time, but I understand the profession. This is what I signed up for. I wish nothing but the best for the organization.”

One source, sympathetic to Onalfo’s situation, said that Onalfo “walked into a train wreck and now [United] is panicking.”

On whether the front office had any responsibility for what has happened this season, Dave Kasper says, “Of course. We share responsibility. We don’t take these decisions lightly. It’s a big decision, and one that we took in the best interests of the organization.”

Payne and Kasper made no secret of the fact that Onalfo’s sacking is intended as a message to the club’s fans as well as the playing squad. They view Olsen as the best motivator and leader on the staff, but claim there is no plan to give him the job on a permanent basis.

The search for a new Leader has already begun!

Read the rest here: DC United Threaten Legal Action Over Najar Trial | Young Guns …